Taking a mulligan

Mulligan: a free shot sometimes given a golfer in informal play when the previous shot was poorly played

I am ordinarily a very positive person. I'm the one that, when my friends tell me their stories, I always can make them feel better by pointing out that it's not that bad, at least they have x, y, and z going for them. Generally, I can find something positive in a craptacular situation.


And then there was the month of May.


So far this month, I've had three major fights with people I love, my washing machine broke, we got a flat tire (on the way home from the Laundromat) and the tow truck didn't show, ants have become permanent residents in my house, and our dishwasher broke. I'm pretty sure that my rooting for the Cavs played a part in their untimely loss in the playoffs (sorry, Cavs fans). Work has been "interesting." And we still have 10 more days to go. I told a friend yesterday that my new "at least" statement was going to be, "At least it isn't like May 2010."


I don't know if there is a precedent for it, but I've decided to take a full-blown mulligan for the entire month of May. On June 1, I'm waking up and shaking it all off. Here's to hoping that June goes better than this tumultuous month. I'm pretty sure that it has to.

Underestimating "The Sensitivity Factor"

Sometimes, it's hard to know when you've gone too far. This is especially true for me, as my biggest (and certainly self-recognized) flaw is a lack of sensitivity. I've been working on this for literally years, but unfortunately, sensitivity doesn't operate using an on/off switch. It is spectral in nature, and while I may no longer be sitting at the very end of the spectrum, I am certainly still much closer to the end where I'd rather not be.



I recently posted something that was very offensive to someone I care about very much...like a sister. While I intended the subject to be thought-provoking and to provide a different perspective, I crossed a line. I didn't intend to do so, by any means, and was honest to God very surprised by the reaction it solicited.



Then I remembered the whole sensitivity challenge that I have, and it all came together.



The Golden Rule is a very powerful statement. The problem that I have is that, while I consider the thoughts/feelings of others before I act, I am literally doing unto others as I would have done to me, and with an inherent lack of sensitivity, this sets the bar for me at an inappropriate level. Just because I wouldn't be hurt by something if the tables were turned doesn't mean that someone else that is on another, more centrist position on the sensitivity spectrum would not be.



I'll continue to work on this unattractive personality trait, probably for the rest of my life. As an (albeit late) step in the right direction, you will notice that the two passionate posts I have written thus far are no longer available on this blog. I may never be able to reach my goal of being a centrist on sensitivity, but I most certainly won't come even close if I don't begin to walk in that direction in the first place. It's going to be a long journey for me, and I hope you all will be patient with me as I travel.

But in the meantime, I'll simply say this: I'm sorry, Kate.

Hanging it up :(

Through a tumultuous day, I have come to the conclusion that my blogging days are over. It's just not worth it. Having opinions is marginally okay, but sharing them isn't. I had temporarily forgotten that most people are much more sensitive than I am, and THAT was a lesson that I already had filed in my internal "things I've learned" catalog. Guess that catalog needs re-indexing or something.

But as a last thought, I'm going to summarize my last two posts and explain why expressing my opinions just isn't worth it to me anymore.

I'm neither a Republican nor a Democrat (yes, I'm registered as one of those, but I don't identify with either group). I'd like to start my own party - I'd call it the Newfangled Idealist party. Essentially, it would have only two tenets:


1. Don't take other people's stuff, and don't be so excessive about what you have that other people feel like it's okay to take your stuff. There's a lot of room in between those two extremes. To be a member of my Newfangled Idealist party, you have to just be somewhere in the middle.

2. If you break tenet #1, expect the rest of the party to call you on it. You are accountable for your choices. If you believe you are right in what you've done, then you should be okay with this. If not, then it doesn't hurt to make you aware that people have noticed that you broke rule #1.



That's it, really.


Today has taught me that people don't really want to join my party. The world is a "nicer" place so long as we all sit back and keep silent. I think I'm in the position where I have to concede that maybe I have overrated sincerity as a more noteworthy attribute than sensitivity.


Everyone who knows me knows that I don't lie. Truthfully, I think it would be exhausting to keep up with the story that I told and to back-pedal when I'm caught in it. I therefore chose long ago just not to do it, to just live my life being who I am. Sometimes this makes me come across as a complete ass. I can live with that, but I have found out that not everyone can. Perhaps my biggest flaw is that I have severely overestimated the merit of being an honest human being.

Because I don't want to turn my blog into quick blurbs about my day-to-day life (not that there's anything wrong with that, but that's why I'm on Facebook), I'm going to call it quits. So even though I have many more things that I feel passionate about, you'll never hear them. Sorry, folks. You'll just have to live with my one-liners about Lindsay Lohan suing for $100M dollars because she likes milk.

Thanks to all who shared this valuable lesson with me today. We'll all be happier if I say nothing and let the world happen around me, for better or for worse...well, all but one of us. :(